Becoming an Agent of Love

In the continuation of my journey into the Light, my meditations often offer me startling, even mind-blowing, thoughts that appear as truth to me and cannot be denied.  It’s exciting, nerve-wracking and ultimately, peace-giving. With my Christian background I often find myself thinking about the sayings of Jesus.  Whatever your feelings about the accuracy of biblical translation, the wisdom of such a being is irrefutable.

I had a startling realization a few mornings ago.  Jesus mirrored heavenly LOVE to us in his life of earth.  His name is a synonym for LOVE for millions of people.  In saying, “No one comes to the Father but by me (or through me as some tranlations have it) he was saying a profound and radical thing. What was he saying?

We know that by’ Father’ Jesus is referring to God in an intimate way. That we are allowed to think of our creator as an intimate force. Or rather should I say, THE intimate force. Just how intimate is truly awe-inspiring, since we are “made in the image of God” and able to be co-creators with God.

I am coming to understand that the “universe” as some call it, or “spiritual reality” as others call it, or the Kingdom of God as it is known by some, is  simply LOVE.  Love is what brings us into relationship with the source of our being.  It is not about setting up resistance to belief systems or advocating one belief system. It is not about any given name.  It is about LOVE. Loving self, seemingly impossible to many, and loving our neighbors as ourselves.

When he said  ’love your neighbor as you love yourself,’ he gave us the key that opens the door to the Kingdom of God – LOVE.  He also said, “the Kingdom of God is within you.”  He meant LOVE is within us.  We have the key, we have the door, we have the presence; we are the key, we are the door, we are the presence.

I have to take a minute to think about a big juicy steak and what it tastes like without seasoning.  Or a baked potato with no butter. Not so good in my book, but shake on some salt, or rub that raw meat with spice, etc. and you’ve got the mouth watering flavor we all love. That’s the simplist way I can think about life – with Love I am the spice, I am the salt, I am the butter, I am the seasoning.  It’s not enough of an explanation but it’s a start.

We are capable of Love, called to Love, enabled to Love, filled with Love, able to choose Love, called to give and receive Love, and the list goes on. I am sure you could add to it.  I am sure our DNA is permeated with LOVE – God’s presence.

Choosing love is the way to God. No one comes to the Source of Life but by Love.  It is a shattering concept to consider as we look about us at our hate filled world, a world of striving and competition and jealousy and pettiness and war.  A world of grand passions that are really not so grand at the end of the day.  But also a world where Love makes the difference and opens us to the presence of the Divine within, and our connection to all life. Mother Theresa used to kiss the lepers she collected off the streets, recognizing the divine within, and then dedicating herself to their service.

Letting go of the need to be an agent of change and becoming an agent of Love is the answer.

 

Interesting….

I have been slowly reading Gregg Braden’s The Divine Matrix, a  lovely book about quantum physics, and thought the following about the Lord’s Prayer was worth a mention, certainly worth chewing.  In talking about our perception of being separate from God  (I have heard some call it the hole in the heart, and others describe their essential loneliness), the author says,

“We sense our spiritual nature from within, while we look to validate our feelings.  From literature and cinema to music and culture, we make a distinction between our places here on Earth and a distant heaven that’s somewhere else.  In the west we affirm our separation from our Creator through our translation of the great prayer from the Bible that describes this relationship: the Lord’s Prayer.

For example, the common Western tranlation begins:  ’Our Father, who are in Heaven,’ acknowledging this separation. In this intepretation we’re here while God is somewhere else far away. The original Aramaic texts, however, offer a different view of our relationship with our Heavenly Father. A translation of the same phrase begins, ‘Radiant One: You shine within us, outside us – even darkness shines – when we remember,’  reinforcing the idea that the Creator isn’t separate and distant. Rather the creative force of our Father, whatever the meaning we give to it, is not only with us, it is us and permeates all that we know as our world.”

It  seems to bear out what our peerless master Jesus said, “The Kingdom of God is within you.”

 

I Want to Feel Good

Lately I have become more and more aware of what a very negative society we live in. Well duh, you might say.  But really, what is causing it? I look around and it’s everywhere…the news, tv shows, most movies, sports,  religious bickering and judgmentalism, depressed and angry people all around,  corporate greed, governmental mismanagement, war, etc…..  Look at our collective way of thinking. It has become very litigious and includes self-entitlement, road rage, being easily offended and unforgiving, thirst for revenge, etc.  We have collectively created and are continuing to feed this negative, victim-oriented, angry and depressed society.  It is as if we have made a contract with Feeling Bad.  But honestly, don’t we all want to feel good?

I remember hearing recently that Mother Theresa, when asked to participate in a march AGAINST one of the countless wars we have been involved in, said NO, but when you have a march FOR peace I will join you.   Food for thought, right? When we look around and observe the negative spin on almost everything it can feel quite daunting, but if we focus on ourselves, we have a chance to change the world from the inside-out, and I find that very exciting!

Using my own life as an example in trying to understand the contrast between being in the light and how dark it can get,  I have been asking myself – how do I know if I am positive or negative?  By paying attention to my emotions and thoughts, of course. Again, it ‘s the well, duh.  But I suspect that most of us are so busy, so pressured, so used to filling any spare time we have with tv and music and the rest of our time with necessary work, that we don’t really do much self-examination.  We are cruising through life, avoiding much thought.

I have discovered by focusing in a bit that my expectations of life have indeed been mostly negative. That my reactions, responses, choices of what to think and believe and how to act reflect negativity.  This has interfered with my feeling good.  It has impacted every area of my life – relationships, faith practices, work environment, personal choices, you name it.  It can be subtle or not subtle.  But it has encroached on my happiness. Perhaps I am programmed that way, but if so, what can I do about it?

I suspect the same may be true for most of us whether it arose from childhood environment, natural predisposition, disappointments in life, personality type, etc.  Add to that the fact that we as a national culture have become a nation of crusaders out not only to help the world, but innately critical and condemning of the world and its cultures that differ from ours. The composite result is that our focus is often on the negative, dark things of the world, which impacts us personally and as a society.

I thought it might be helpful to site some examples from a personal perspective.

Example.  I have been focused the last few years on not having enough money for retirement.  I have worried and experienced anxiety, which in turn feeds fear of old age and not having enough.  This can cause a mind-set of doom and anger. I don’t feel good.

Example.  When I focus on aging, body image and what others see when they look at me, I worry I am not attractive, or that I am too fat, or that I won’t ever be thin again, or that it isn’t fair what genetics handed down to me, etc. etc., I get down on myself for not being more pro-active, for being weak.  I buy into the American thinking that I am no good.  I don’t feel good.

Example. When I think about my childhood, and resent certain aspects of it, or some of the people who contributed to those aspects, I feed my feelings of injury and self-pity, I foster unforgiveness, I perpetuate the past anger and pain. I don’t feel good about my past or myself in that past. It contributes to my negative outlook and feelings of being cheated in the present.  I don’t feel good.

Again, what is my point?

It is that our entire society has bought into this kind of thinking. I am not saying I think those feelings are not real or valid. It’s what we have done with them that has taken us down the dark road away from the light.  I believe that though real,  they are part of our inner guidance system telling you and me to STOP and focus our minds on feeling good instead.

In order to stay in the light, I am paying attention to what I am FEELING, positive or negative.  I am taking care to notice my emotions all the time. This is not easy, as I am used to just feeling, or avoidance, not thinking about what I am feeling. I decide now.  I remind myself to feel good as often as I can. It reminds me of my old dad who still sings a WWI song, “Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit Bag, and Smile, Smile, Smile!”  I used to grind my teeth over that because I apparently wanted to nurture my negativity.  Now I think my dad understands something basic that I am learning.  Better late than never!

When negative emotions of doubt, fear or worry show up, I see them as telling me  I am not focused on what I DO desire, but rather I am focused on what I don’t want. That I am not in harmony with I want, but again, am focused on the negative. When I  have battled fear of  flying, talking about it, thinking about it, nurturing the fear, expecting the fear, acceding to the fear, well, what I get is FEAR OF FLYING. Even my prayers about it have been fear based.  I now have replaced that fear with thoughts that I am not afraid of flying and flying is an enjoyable and rapid way to go see my grandson in California, etc.  I am no longer afraid of flying.

IT’S A CHOICE.  Like tuning into a radio station I like, rather than a station I don’t like.  I can just flip the dial. Blame, hate, shame, mistrust, fear, etc are signals that I am moving away from what I want, from feeling good. Positive or negative emotion is feedback from my inner guidance system. I just need to pay attention. From a Christian perspective (my background)  one could quote scriptures such as – Ask and you shall receive… or… According to your faith let it be unto you. Other faith practices have similar exhortations.

When we focus on what creates more joy in our lives we will feel good. That way when we do experience negative emotions, we can use them as a tool to alert us to what we need to change.

Stay in the light, my friends

 

Envelopes

So I was reminded today of envelopes.  Oh not the kind that you lick and seal.  The spiritual kind. The God is me and I am in God kind.

I was driving home from work. Because I go in SOOOOOO early, I am able to leave about 3 pm.  I miss most of the rush hour and take back-roads home through the rural almost countyside.  For about an hour  I allow myself to leisurely drive by fields and trees and horses and streams… a little of this, a little of that, no stress. By the time I get home, I am refreshed.  I do so enjoy using this time in the car to sing, listen to lovely teaching or instrumental music that inspires me, think quietly, etc.

Today was somewhat different however. I was contemplating about the spiritual being that I am, what I have always called My Me. I talked about My Me for years in poems and vignettes I’ve written, but I’ve only just recently realized that My Me is who I really am. I am not my body or my mind.  You are not your body or mind.

This has been an interesting as well as wonderful realization. As Eckhart Tolle talks about in his book, The Power of Now, we are the observers of ourselves. But it isn’t my mind doing the observing! In other words, I am eternal spirit living a human existence, not a human trying to be spiritual.  I already AM spiritual.  Mirabiletdictu! as my dad used to exclaim joyfully whenever he was thrilled with some bit of knowledge he had gained.  It’s the Latin equivalent of  ”You don’t say!”

So back to envelopes and what I saw today.  I am a spirit, or a soul if you prefer, inside a body. My body is the envelope, my mind the vehicle for expression and emotion, but my soul is the driver, or would be the driver if I would listen more and get my ego out of the way.

Anyway, I suddenly became aware of all the cars with people neatly inserted into the driver’s seats with their souls inside them.  Tickled pink at the image, I roared with delighted laughter as I pictured the soul enveloped in each body, and the body enveloped inside their car. Each soul is telling the body’s mind to enjoy the beauty, bless the people all around, slow down, etc etc. Whether or not they were listening I don’t know.  But I loved them, all of them!  Red, white, black, yellow, thin, fat, tall, short, old, young, smart, not smart.  I just knew that we are all one.

I know we are  enveloped in this incredible world we live in and are all joined together in, according to all the physicists of the day. And all the world, the universe, the sun, the stars, the littlest bug, are all enveloped in God, the Ocean of Love. Not only is the kingdom of God within us, we are inside it! We probably are it. Incredible. Life is great these days.

 

Ocean of LOVE

Recently I came across a quote by a lovely, godly woman called Mother Meera.  She said, in effect, that God is like the ocean to which all the rivers of the world run.

That is a fact. All the waters of the world make their way to the oceans of the world.  Yes, I am like a river, I thought, drawn like a magnet to the ocean of God’s love. How effortless it should be, I thought, to let myself flow toward that massive ocean of love.

I was instantly reminded of a time a few years ago when I had a vision of  being carried by Jesus and cast forth into God. Sounds strange?  I thought so at the time. I had always thought of God as a figure sitting on a throne.  But the experience in that vision was nothing like that.  I can only compare it to Mother Meera’s likening of God to the ocean. It fits.

During the vision, I was in a vast vast place, but at the same time intimate and enfolded in LOVE.  The caps are intentional. I was surrounded, inundated, basking in LOVE.  Absolutely nothing was required of me. All my lifetime hurts, manifesting as swords and spears and knives and bleeding wounds were healed. The blades were pulled out of me in a huge whoosh – like a science fiction movie, only this wasn’t fiction – and the wounds closed and the flesh became flawless. One way to describe it is to liken it to a vast womb where nothing mattered except the heartbeat of God and the LOVE.

I do like the analogy of God being like the ocean. Think of the infinite resource that the oceans in our world have to offer.  The  ocean is our source of yummy fish and clams, and oysters and lobsters, etc., not to mention walking on the beach, and swimming and surfing and sailing and relaxing near it or on it or in it!

How blessed we are that we live in a universe of God’s making where there is an infinite supply of what we need. Kindness, patience, joy, forgiveness, no judgement, perfect unconditional love, and on and on.

So dear ones, think on the ocean that is God, and the LOVE that is there for all of us. And, like a river, let yourself run down into it.

 

Gratitude

Thanksgiving every year is a time when we conciously choose to feel grateful. Scripture tells us to count our blessings.  And we do.  There is a lot to be grateful for including families, work, health, the beauties of nature, freedom…and the list goes on.

We can also choose to feel grateful for the life lessons we are learning.  There may be some hard circumstances we are going through for which is it not the first response to be or easy to be thankful.

Say, for example, you are going through a time of unemployment. Not only is there anxiety and worry, there may be shame, embarrassment, anger, feelings of betrayal, perplexity, bewilderment, envy of others who have jobs, etc. To be able to get into the now, rather than dwelling on the future or the past, to be able to look for the positive and be thankful really takes an effort.

So how does one find the positive in the seemingly negative?  Using the same example, being unemployed gives you time to read and rest and walk in nature and spend time with loved ones that you wouldn’t normally have if you were going to work every day.  Being unemployed gives a person time to rethink career choices, perhaps to go back to school, to reevaluate or re-dream dreams.  It can also give you the chance to receive help from others – it is a blessing for them to be able to give, if you can receive with thanksgiving you will be a blessing in return.  This is something to be truly grateful for, the opportunity to be a blessing.

I remember one time when we were given $500 by a total stranger who came to our door and said they had felt impressed to give us this gift. The Lord of the Universe, our Source, was looking out for us and it added a whole new dimension to that time of struggle. Did we wish we didn’t have to be in the position that necessitated the gift? To be honest, yes, but we were helped. Could it have happened otherwise? I suspect it would not have happened otherwise. It caused us to stop in wonder.

What about another example. Perhaps you are ill. How can one be grateful for that circumstance?  Only by seeing it as a vehicle to bless others and to receive blessings. Recently our great-nephew was very ill in the hospital. It was terribly painful to see that little boy suffering.  And to see the fear and anxiety of his parents was truly hard. However it provoked a flood of caring, loving assistance from family and community. Prayer, sitting with, hugs, food, transportation, money, and a host of what I can’t even describe. Would it have been great if he never fell ill?  Of course. But in the midst of it, there was much for which to be thankful.

I guess there is much more to the idea of gratitude than just saying thanks for whatever. It is and should be cultivated as a state of being – like breathing. We breath, we live, we are grateful…I want to become a thankful person every day, with positive life-giving energy flowing into me and out through me.

 

Kindness

I have been thinking about kindness and the ripple effect.  I heard a great story today of a guy who paid the California (I think) highway toll for the car behind him.  The driver in the car behind him called her friend in Kentucky who was so moved she decided to pay the toll every day going home for the car behind her.  The point of the story, the ripple of that little 50 cent kindness flowed all the way to Kentucky and made countless others smile and feel just a little better about life.

Today I went to Walmart to buy a desk lamp. I usually dread going to Walmart – the first hurdle for me is finding a parking space and then the walk through the crowds to find the thing I am planning to buy. If I need a clerk I usually can’t find one right away or have to compete for attention. After that, the wait in line to pay often surrounded by impatient, tired people with cranky kids.

I have always seen going to Walmart as an exercise in patience, but today I realized I could add kindness to my experience.  When I looked and looked for printer cartridges as well and couldn’t find them, and then couldn’t find a clerk and had to walk all the way to the front to ask a cashier, I had a chance to be impatient and unkind, but from somewhere inside me my intention to be kind rose up and I found myself smiling as I asked for help. Eventually I located the cartridges and ended up back at the same cashier stand. We had a pleasant joking sort of conversation, wished each other a Happy Thanksgiving, and I left, smiling!

It seemed a miracle and I realized that my stress level was less, that I wasn’t cranky or angry or sweaty, and that I had just had an interaction with another human being who is also trying her best to make it in life.

I am determined to make kindness a part of my character. It isn’t as if I have been an ogre in my life, but I am sure I can be kinder. My intention is be more aware of the humans around me and how I can be a blessing, however small in their lives.  I am convinced this is a divine calling on each of us.

What would the ripple effect be in the world if we all started our days just planning to find opportunities to be kind? Something to think about!

 

 

Butterfly

Today as I was driving to work, I had a wonderful image of a butterfly struggling to get out its cocoon. Of course this imagery is not new, and has been quite popular in a variety of venues to illustrate new birth, emergence, freedom, etc.  But for myself, I had never been particularly drawn to see myself that way. I had always seen myself as an eagle soaring high, pouncing down on snakes, seeing far off vistas with keen eagle eyes.

But suddenly today I was aware of the claustrophobia, the darkness, the tightness of the cocoon walls, the constriction and the absolute knowledge that I had to get out! It was quite quite real to me. And I knew in my me that I have been in the cocoon for a couple of years, developing my wings.  My butterfly wings, full of design and color.

I also knew that the process of getting out must be accomplished completely on my own.  No one must open my cocoon lest my wings not be strong enough to carry me. I am in a struggle for faith, for trust, for peace, for connection. When it is time, I will emerge and fly.

Where will I fly? It doesn’t seem to matter. I will be joined in the Great I Am of the universe and I will fly on currents of love.  How profound this is. And how grateful I am to have experienced that allusion to what is coming, to what is possible.

 

 

 

Reverence

Today I was thinking about reverence. What is it? How does it fit into my life?

I would have had a really quick answer a few years ago before my faith crisis.  I think my belief system limited me, or perhaps I should be careful to  say that my understanding of my belief system limited me to a narrow interpretation of reverence which, for me, was confined to my faith practices. The object of my reverence was God, but how had I limited myself and how had I limited God? I was not able to understand so much of the teaching of my own faith, let alone appreciate the richness of other traditions also seeking God.

I have just emerged from a years-long dark night of the soul.  During that period, which I understand is not that uncommon, I questioned everything I ever believed to be true, often with complete astonishment that this could be me having these thoughts, these feelings. One painful revelation I have received of myself is that I have not had a deep understanding of what reverence for life means.

So I am trying to understand – what is reverence?  Can one be fully alive without reverence? Is it just about us humans? Or is it much more?  The life of our planet. The life of all creatures and eco-systems on our planet.  How we interact together. How God is Love and loves pours into us and through us to all of the planet? How we are all intertwined in a great act of living, both now and after our flesh passes away?

It’s huge. Huge.  What about the universe, both seen and unseen? What about how we impact the universe by what we do and think? By what we create and by what we destroy?

So I am contemplating reverence. How can I become more reverent? What small actions can I take on a daily basis to honor life? There have got to be practical ways and internal ways to become more reverent, more prayerful, more of a blessing. I am thinking about it now. I want to be a healer not a destroyer.

In this regard I may be an infant, but I sense a smiling parent nearby egging me on.

 

Universe Displayed

I remember the old praise song we used to sing in church. One of the lines said, “His universe displayed.”

As I have been opening myself up again to prayer, to connection, to Love with a capital L, I am becoming aware of the universe all around me. Colors are sharper, birdcalls brighter, the wind speaks, the stars beckon, there are no words really to describe the quickening. But I know in my me that what I am experiencing is as real as the road in front of my house.

I feel quieter, more internally connected to the Root of my being.  I am more joyful. I am more peaceful. I am forgiving not only of others but toward myself. I am releasing all anger and bitterness. I am letting go of disappointment. I am choosing freedom.

Recently it came to my attention that some of the Native peoples in the USA were deeply saddened in the 1800s that so many of their brethren, free people as they saw them, would give up their freedom to enslave themselves for the sake of survival. That life at any cost was a life worth living.

I can see myself this way, having made choices that have been for the sake of survival.  In that is loss of honor, loss of self. I don’t know what those choices were yet, but I will understand with time.

So today I am myself more than I have ever been and tomorrow I will continue this journey freedom. I am realizing that nothing has been an accident but everything in my life has been for a reason, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I am not even sure any more that what has seemed ugly IS actually ugly. After all if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then so is ugly.

My sense that the Lord of the Universe is displaying it for me, like a hand of cards being fanned out on a table, is acute. Nothing seems impossible. Jesus said it – Nothing is impossible to them that believe.

Jesus said many things that I have not understood very well. I hope to understand his teachings better in time. Meanwhile, the love that I have been seeking for myself and to pour out to others no longer seems out of reach.

For I am no longer undeserving. I know now I never was. I am a creature of the universe, eternally Loved and even I am displayed. That Holy Lord is saying, look and see her, isn’t she wonderful????  What a laugh! What happiness!

For years I have been aware of my cells dancing within, of the poetry rising in my me like tidal pools rising filled with life, of a strong sense that we are all connected and just as it says in scripture, we are to be still and know God. We are to be like those lillies of the field who neither toil nor spin.

What a wonder this is!